Mindful Sojourning

This morning I was reading and thinking about a verse we discussed last night in Life Group. Paul tells the church at Ephesus in 3:14 that his tribulations and sufferings were for their glory—not his, not God’s, but theirs. I asked, “What does it mean that his suffering were for their glory?” We essentially came to the conclusion that Paul meant these suffering served to establish them, the Gentiles, in Christ and serve as an example to them of what a Christ-centered life looks like. Do we not learn more by example than by transfer of knowledge or statements of facts? I read a line the other day in The Forgotten Ways by Alan Hirsch. In it he referred to how we learn as infant, toddlers, and young children. We learn to walk, talk, and feed ourselves by observing and following after our parents. So our conclusion was simply that Paul’s sufferings were to establish the Gentiles in Christ and to exemplify a Christ-centered life. According to further study we were not too far off. Many assume the glory Paul is talking about is their salvation—faith in Christ. And no one denies Paul’s model life of bearing his cross.

Paul’s resume of suffering and tribulations found in 2 Corinthians 11 is pretty intense–stoned, whipped, beaten with rods, imprisoned, going without food and drink, etc. This is pretty heavy, but fortunately I discovered something deeper about Paul’s suffering. Paul’s sufferings were a part of God’s plan for him, or they were appointed to him (Acts 9:16). Jesus gave Paul a real sense and understanding of His place in building the Kingdom of God on earth as it is in heaven. So maybe we are not all called to take off our shirts, beat our chests, and cry out: “bring on the rods!” Neither do we need to start singing Bob Dylan’s holy anthem: “everybody must get stoned!” However, God has a part appointed to you in building the same Kingdom Paul was building, and it is still for the glory of the those who do not know Jesus. And for some more than others, the part you play may include great sufferings.

As you examine your life and current situations, how are you exemplifying a Christ-centered life? How are you establishing others in Christ so that they may receive salvation—their glory?

I hang out in coffee shops for two reasons. I began hanging out in coffee shops because of my love for coffee and the atmosphere. There is nothing better than the smell of coffee and good acoustic or jazzy music in the background while you read, study, and write. Unfortunately I became such a coffee fanatic that I started roasting my own coffee beans, which has caused most coffee shops coffee to taste pretty bad to my coffee taste buds. However, there is another reason I spend my days in coffee shops and that is because I find the most amazing conversations in these places. Most people are friendly and many are regulars. I do nothing to hide my love for Jesus, but neither do I stand on a table and preach to the multitudes. This has allowed me to gain the respect and trust of my coffee family.

Many of my conversations are with grad students and professional people who have traveled the world and experienced many things I could never truly understand without being there myself. The question on everyone’s mind generally tends to be, “why do bad things happen to good people?” And these conversations usually gravitate towards a philosophical level while we discuss extreme tragedies—Hiroshima, the Holocaust, Rwanda, or 9/11. And many I’m sure also have reservations against tragedies like disease, abuse, and accidents. These situations are tragic and sorrowful.

I doubt I’ll ever have a completely satisfactory answer for why bad things happen to good people since this question has continued throughout the ages and only increases as our days move forward. And though these issues require discussion because they are valid concerns, my feeling is they tend to drown out more immediate and personal questions. Often times I feel we use these extreme events to ask why bad things happen to us. We may look to the Jews and say, “they did nothing wrong and look what happened to them.” As if this may relinquish our own responsibility in a bad situation.

I find it interesting that we all assume we are generally good people. But how often do we cheat to get ahead? Do you cheat at work to get a higher reward? Do you cheat on your taxes to get a higher return? Do you cheat on a test or homework assignment to get a higher grade? How often to you do you desire something you don’t need? Or in Christian terms covet something? Is your goal to have a nicer car, maybe one like your neighbors? Do you desire a bigger house? Want a higher position at work? Do you desire one thing or one person above everything else in life? Even at the expense of others? These desires seem innocent but often cause us to cut corners we shouldn’t cut. They cause us to ignore those people most important to us while our minds are set on the “goals/idols” we have made. How often do you allow your mind wonder about a man or a woman who is not yours? How often do you lie to a friend because you don’t want to do something? How often do you ignore a phone call from a friend you know will talk your ear off about their problems?

In the midst of these minor infractions and many others, we ignore God and a relationship with Him. Yes, we may go to church, say a pray, or give a tithe, but God will not be mocked. He wants your heart and your friendship. The list of questions above are based around a few of the 10 Commandments. These commandments are more like guidelines to healthy friendships and communities, and not the strict rigid rulebook we assume them to be.

Often our bad situations are a result of our bad choices or habits. It is important to point out that this is not always the case, but I would suggest that it is more frequently the case than we may want to acknowledge. God desires our heart and our friendship. As I was reading Hosea this morning I witness God speaking to Hosea about how He was going to bring calamity on Israel for ignoring Him and acting against His ways. God often allows bad situations in our lives as a manner of humbling us. Is it not true that we are often oblivious to God and our actions when everything is going well, but when the bottom falls out we are willing to examine ourselves. God told Hosea that He was going to remove them from their current positions and take them to the wilderness to woo them and draw them back to Him. Once He was able to recapture their heart, He would then restore them.

If the bottom seems to be falling from under you, don’t resist it. Go into the wilderness and willfully examine your life. Establish or reestablish your relationship with Jesus, and watch as He repairs your life. Know that God is hopelessly in love with you and desires your attention.

Do you remember the movie Troy? If you’re a guy, you probably remember the great battle scenes. If you’re a woman, remember Brad Pitts biceps. In the movie, what was Pitts’ character, Achilles, main agenda? It was making a name for himself. In his view immortality was becoming a legend, and you became a legend in his mind by creating a name for yourself. There is no doubt that Achilles was a great fighter and he definitely made a name for himself. But why were we rooting for Hector?

Lately I have slowly been (sorry) discussing how to fulfill all that God has purposed you to fulfill and by this becoming a hero who changes the world. Our key to becoming a hero and fulfilling the dreams that God has for you is to be willing to sacrifice, transform your thinking, and act. Paul tells us in Romans 12:2 to no longer be conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of our minds. The pattern of this world says it’s all about us. The pattern is to put yourselves before all others. It says you deserve this or that. It’s the American Dream. And let me point out that there is a small thread of truth here, but not if it comes at the detriment of another. But that’s not what the world say’s. Think about our current marketing schemes like the itouch, ipod, iphone, and the “have it your way” at Burger King. If you think of others comment them below.

However, if we are going to make a difference, change the world around us, and altar history then we have to die to ourselves as Jesus tells us. In fact in His words, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it (Mark 8:34, 35).” The gospel is what changes lives, but the gospel runs counter to the patterns of this world. The gospel is selfless modeled by Jesus who gave up everything for the sake of all His creation.

Hero’s are defined by moments of selflessness. So why did Hector still our heart? Because there is a divine whisper within us that cheers on selflessness. We cheer on those like Hector, Mother Theresa, Gandhi, and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. because they have transformed their minds to loves other as themselves. Leo Tolstoy said, “Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” Before we can change the world, we must transform our minds. Be the Hector and fight for your fellow mankind.

For a great devotion and further reading read Philippians 2:1-18.

to gain the Kingdom and change the world.

A missionary entered a German town in 1921. This missionary had left his comfort and joys of home in Springfield, MO to follow Jesus. When the man entered the town he asked a simple question, “Is anyone here sick?” The townspeople told him there was a man that screamed day and night due to rheumatism. So the missionary went to this person to pray and the man was healed. A miracle had taken place for the entire town to witness and many people came to Jesus.

What an amazing story! Recently I have been talking about being a hero, a world changer, and a history maker. Each of you are capable of amazing things, but few of you are willing to sacrifice to the point of seeing them take place. How was this man capable of doing such a miracle? The answer is Jesus and the Holy Spirit, but why this man? In Luke 9:57-62, Jesus spoke with three different individuals about following Him. In each situation He told them they would have to sacrifice and respond immediately, but unfortunately none of them chose to do so. On the other hand, when each of the twelve disciples were approached by Jesus they did leave family, jobs, and comfort; and what happened? They built the church!! Jesus had an amazing plan for them; they sacrificed; God was glorified; and they changed the world!!

So how was this missionary able to do such a miracle? Because he sacrificed his comfort, transformed his mind, and chose to act. So God was capable of using Him! The man healed was the grandfather of Reinhard Bonnke. Because of this experience Bonnke’s grandfather became a believer and raised his children to know the saving love of Jesus Christ and power of the Holy Spirit. The missionary was a hero to Bonnke’s grandfather, but to Africa he was a world changer and history maker. Why? Because Reinhard is a renowned evangelist who has led more than 50 million people to Jesus! The missionary never knew Reinhard Bonnke, but I’m sure God has greatly rewarded him for his works. What is God calling you to do? You may not see the reward on earth, but know that your deeds do not escape the notice of our Heavenly Father. May the Lord be with you.

In my last post I left you with a question, “Does your dream glorify God in the end?” Does what you really want glorify God at the end of it, or does it satisfy some lesser desire? I ask you this as a warning, because if what you want does not glorify your creator in the end it will not satisfy or fulfill you for long. Then one of two things will happen.

The never-ending cycle of emptiness
On one hand you may quickly jump to the next goal and begin sacrificing in order to obtain the new goal. With each goal new sacrifices must be made. Sacrifices generally mean cutting something or someone out, at least temporarily. I have found that most people do not enjoy being cut out from you life. If your new goal does glorify Jesus in the end, it will not satisfy you for long either. And you will quickly need to move on and on and on. At some point you will become bitter, angry, and lonely. You will be angry and bitter because of the never-ending feeling of being empty and unsatisfied. You will be lonely because you will have sacrificed so much that nothing is left in your life. You will have most likely cut out everything and everyone. And too often our pride will not allow us to ask forgiveness of others, and unfortunately not everyone is so quick to forgive anyway.

The apathetic fraud
If what you have set your eyes on does not glorify Christ in the end, the other possible reaction will be to become apathetic. You will consciously or sub-consciously recall all that you sacrificed and how empty you were in the end. This will kill any motivation to sacrifice in the future. You will begin to ask yourself questions like, “Why bother?”, “Who cares?”, or lie to yourself with statements like, “I don’t need anyone or anything.” But in reality you are simply afraid or unwilling to try.

Christ glorifying conquerors
God created us in His image to be conquerors, to have dominion over things, to be in relationship with others, and to do good works. We do need people and we do need things to have dominion over, but in everything we do and have we must glorify and give thanks to Him. When you do this, you will find a peace and joy that surpasses all understanding.

Today I was reading in 1 Chronicles about David and his army defeating other armies and taking for themselves gold, silver, and other such things. As I was reading I felt myself questioning the kindness of God. If we’re honest, I think most of us would admit there are some pretty difficult things for us to swallow. Why did God favor David and Israel? Why did He allow various people groups and nations to be destroyed? Is He not a loving God?

There are several reasons I love and serve God today, even though difficult questions like these exist, but few equal the fact God is living and ready to interact with us at anytime. As I questioned God during this time of study, I asked if it was maybe due to these various people groups behavior and personal standings with God. Here lately I have been (trying to) reading through Chronicles and A.W. Tozer’s Attributes of God for my devotional and personal study times each morning. After pondering the question and answer to my question I closed the book on Chronicles and left the question for later study to open up Tozer’s book.

I opened Tozer’s book to find him answering the very question I was pondering. He reminded me of Romans 11:22 where Paul tells his readers, “Behold then the kindness and severity of God; to those who fell, severity, but to you, God’s kindness, if you continue in His kindness; otherwise you also will be cut off.” He is saying this in partial warning as he explains that Israel’s branch has been separated for the olive tree for a time because of their unbelief and disobedience. Tozer reinforces the reality that life itself is a gift, and is something none of us deserved or earned. God, by His great love and creativity, chose us as His creation. He honored us by creating us in His own image so that we may have relationship with Him. However, each and everyone of us has rejected His love and His fellowship. We have acted out with great evil against one another, and continuously harm both humanity and all of God’s creation. For these reasons, none of us have a right to life or to God’s grace. God chose Israel to be His people and who am I to question His decision. Grace is simply that, grace. Grace was given to Israel to be His people.

To see how wicked and depraved humanity truly is all we have to do is look at Israel. God had chosen them, performed many miracles and won many battles for them, yet they continued to disregard His commands and ways for living. At the core of human depravity is our unquenchable thirst for power, pleasure, and self; and Israel could resist none of them. So God once again showing His great kindness and mercy towards creation gave His Son to become like us, in order that He may empathize with us and provide a way that some may be saved.

We live in a day of great pride and arrogance. We question God’s ways and actions, but have we forgotten that we are mere clay? Numerous times God asks, “Since when did the clay tell the potter what to do?” We look at all creation as if it is worthy of salvation, but are we? At what point did we stop murdering, cheating, slandering, lying, stealing, or thinking about ourselves? Examine yourself right now, can you honestly say that you sit wherever you are righteous and without sin? I didn’t think so. You should now be sitting there with fear, but don’t worry that is healthy. We are to fear God. Paul warned there was no fear of God. He told us to work our our faith in fear and trembling. Why? Because if we do not continue in His kindness, we too like Israel will be cut off.

Yes God is a kind God, but He is also a severe God. He wrote the book. He designed, built, and paid for the construction of the universe. It is His creation we harm when we murder, pollute, slander, cheat, steal, and arrogantly glory monger all attention away from Him. He will defend His creation and fight for our love. He fought so hard that He gave Himself in His Son to be our victory. God does not want us to be displeased or unhappy, in fact He wants the opposite. God desires that we be pleased and full of joy, but that joy is to come from Him and not at the expense of others.

(Sorry, this is ridiculously long)

Have you ever heard news that has left you broken hearted? Well it happened to me just a few moments ago. Jesus once told a parable about two guys that had some debt. One guy had a little debt but the other guy owed what some would call a butt-load. By the end of the parable both guys had been forgiven their debt but only one of them was forever stoked about it. Can you guess which one? Yeah, the one who owed the “butt-load”. Jesus used this parable in response to the Pharisee who was suspicious of Jesus’ claim as One having authority in heaven. The Pharisee was suspicious because Jesus allowed a prostitute to touch Him. If Jesus truly were a prophet or the Son of God, then He would know who this women was and would not allow her to touch Him. So Jesus basically told him that irreverent of God’s grace towards him, while the woman was truly stoked about the grace God would give her. The basic teaching of the story is that those who have been forgiven much love much, or stoked for life!

The Situation

A good friend of mine, one whom I have high regard for, is one of these men who have been forgiven much. And when I say much I mean a butt-load. He was at one point the head of a gang and was serving a life for nearly killing a man. While in prison God’s grace killed the monster inside of him, and He was truly and literally set free. Eventually he was released and has been serving Jesus ever since. And when I say serving Jesus, I mean serving any and all people. He takes in foster kids, organizes a boys club to mentor them, operates a recovery home, is the lead elder of his church, serves the widows of the church, and the list goes on. He is not employed by the church but instead does all this out of love. He owns and operates his own business and has a super awesome family!!!

The Problem

The problem is that he gives so much of himself to others that his family sometimes feels rejected. I received a phone call this morning from a mutual friend telling me that him and his awesome wife are seperated at the moment. She feels like she rejected and alone in comparison to all of his ministries. They are both stuck in a difficult situation because she has a rightful claim to be the apple of his eye (outside of God), and he is one who has been forgiven much. Jesus said that we are to choose Him over our families, and Paul said it is better to not marry because those who do get married must look after their spouse first and foremost. So which is it?

Staring in from the inside out?

I am very distant from this situation because we live far a part and I must confess that I do not have all the details, but this is a difficult situation and one which I feel I can relate too. I too have been forgiven a butt-load and continue to shovel more pooh on the load. When your life is heading south with no sign of redemption in sight and then all of the sudden God grabs a hold of you, opens the eyes of your heart, overwhelms you with His grace, and reestablishes your beginning, you become a new person. Paul tells us that when this happens the old self has died and we become a new creation. Even though we have become a new creation, we are forever grateful or stoked. You become obsessed with people experiencing this grace which the Bible calls Good News or the Gospel. This happened to me when I was in college and ever since I have been doing anything and everything I can to share this experience with others.

Caution: Danger Ahead

For those who are in similar situations, where one person in the relationship has experienced such a life altering transformation there are a few precautions to take. Before I continue I want to say that your salvation experience bears no hindrance on your relationship with God and I hope that what I have to say will help you see that. My wife is an incredible person who has loved Jesus her entire life. Her passion for Jesus in junior high, high school, and college was crazy awesome and many people were blessed by those years. The wife of my friend is a way to awesome person as well.

Victims

For those of you in a relationship with a person who is always pooring themselves into others I want to offer some advice. First, be thankful that you have a person that is crazy in love with Jesus. Second, be patient with them because they are still working out their salvation. Third, recognize that it is human nature to be selfish and want all of the attention to ourselves. Please wait and be patient with me because I have talked with to the “lunatic” yet. Though we who have given our life to Jesus have been forgiven and transformed, we are still being sanctified to complete holiness. Our incompleteness still wrestles with the own sinful nature that ruled us for so long. Make sure that you are not being selfish and interfering with the work God is doing. The devil is a deceiver and wars against the plans of God. Don’t allow Satan to use you as a tool of destruction. Ask God to give you grace and mercy for yourself and for your spouse or special someone. Ask God to unify your hearts so that you can become passionate about the same things. This situation is difficult and much suffering is the result but God is faithful.

“Lunatics“

We are not really lunatics, we are just crazy in love with Jesus and long for others to know His love. And for that we should be commended. (I am speaking in first person because this is my experience.) However, we must be very careful for a few reasons. Some of you may have noticed that I spoke of my wifes passion in her earlier years as if she no longer has it. I did that for a reason. I want everyone to be assured that she is still crazy in love with Jeuss and blesses many. But we/I have struggled throughout our marriage relationship with God because of my intense passion. It has had a negative effect in a few ways. When we are always in high gear about serving Jesus we can cause others to feel insignificant in their relatiosnhip with Jesus. There have been times when Robin has felt inadequate because I’m always going and she wants to rest. My attitude makes her feel as though I don’t think she loves Jesus enough. This causes her to doubt herself and I see her back off a little. In addition, she has in past times resented the church, other people, and God, because they have stolen her husband. She gets jealous because the joy that she should receive from me is being given to others. If we are not careful, the ones we care about most will resent their God. We do not want that weight upon our shoulders.

We have to be careful to recognize the schemes of the devil that lay hidden in our “intense passion” for Jesus. First, we have to realize that we do not owe God anything and we don’t have anything we can offer Him. There is no deed or merit that will ever repay Him for the new life He has given us. Isaiah says that our works are like filthy bloody menstrual rags to Him. We often get into this guilt or deficit servants heart or attitude. Rest assured that God loves us and we don’t have to repay Him anything. Second, don’t be fooled by your flesh. There was a point in my life when my brother, my best friend, and girlfriend were not allowed to hang out with me. I was one of those guys you didn’t want your children hanging out with. This caused me to feel rejected and lonely. I was used to being called a failure or a punk. So for me to hear the words “thank you,” “you’re awesome,” or “you mean so much to me,” I am overwhelmed with joy and thanksgiving. We must be careful that our flesh is not fooling us. Satan can sense this and begin to use this against us. These kind words can become an addiction and we are no longer serving God, we are serving kind words. Kinds words spoken directly from the mouth of the enemy!!

We have to be sensitive to these dead ends. If our spouses gets so tired of it that they say enough, then we’re screwed! Our witness is gone and done. My friends have a great reputation in the church. They probably don’t even realize how many people look up to them. But rest assured the devil does. If he can destroy them, he can destroy many. Our testimony of good news will quickly turn to a lifestyle of bad habits. You will be an excuse of why it is not wise to serve Jesus. And this is the last thing in the world we want to testify to.

A Prayer

God I pray for all of us. That you will protect us and lead us in a right and healthy relationship with You. Let our love for you be sincere and passionate, but keep our eyes on you and nothing else. For my friends, I pray that you will reconcile their relationship and surround them with wise counselors. In Jesus awesome name. Amen!!

(For some reason I never posted this but I thought I would do so today. Safari is now 11 months and still as daring as ever.)

My 9 month old daughter, Safari, has recently started to crawl, climb, and walk along tables, couches, and rails. It is really hilarious to watch and I am proud to be her daddy because she is not afraid to try anything. The most amazing thing is when she falls and busts her head on the floor. I am not amazed that she fell but that while crying she gets right back to the mission of climbing to new heights.

The other day she was climbing on her walker. She had both feet off the floor and on the walker. She lunged herself forward to climb higher when the walker rolled out from under her. It sent her backwards to her butt and her head went plunging to the ground. I thought for sure she was hurt so I rushed over to grab her. To say the least she was ticked off. She was screaming and pushing me away so after failing to comfort her I put on the floor. Immediately she went right back to the walker and started climbing-all while crying and screaming. I realized that she was not crying because she was hurt but because she was mad that she was not able to do what she had set out to do.

I started wondering what has been going through her mind lately. I mean really think about it. For months all she has been able to do is drink (moderately), poop (A LOT), and cry (not too much). Her day had consisted of laying or sitting in the same spot. Then all the sudden in the last month she has found all sorts of strength and learned to crawl, climb, and walk (sorta). In her mind she must be thinking that she is superhuman. So much so that she gets mad when she fails at something, and even more so because she gets right back up and tries again.

Her journey this last month kind of reminds me of the TV show Heroes. When a person on the show finds out they have some sort of superhuman power or gift they start exercising it. Remember in the beginning when Claire began experimenting with her ability to heal and started jumping off a tower? Or when Peter jumped off the building thinking that he could fly? When Peter failed he didn’t give up on the idea that he could fly and eventually figured what made him fly. His faith in his ability caused him to figure it out.

Who knows what Safari’s limits will or will not be-I doubt she’ll be able to fly-but I’m so thankful she is determined to find out. Have you attempted to find your limits? Are you ready to seek for your superhuman strength or gift? Are you tired of living the day-to-day complacent life? Jesus promised that when we put our faith in Him we would do much more than He ever did. My prayer is that you realize the Spirit living inside of you desires to take you to newer heights. Are you ready to go? Are you willing to get back up and try again when you fall? My prayer is that you will.

If I’m totally honest there are many periods in my life that zealous, passionate, and reckless abandonment are the furthest adjectives from explaining my relationship with God. Okay even more honestly, there are times when I don’t even bother thinking about Him. There are time when the Holy Spirit gently nudges me as to say, “Hey bro I’m missing you,” and I just keep going on with my day. But the worst for me is when I begin to long for Him but I find myself empty.

Our relationship with God which consists of prayer, devotion (Bible study), and worship is like charging your cell phone. Have you ever gone on a trip and forgot your charger? It stinks, you start freaking out a little only before finding the nearest Wal-Mart to purchase another one, or until you find someone with a similar phone.  I don’t even need to go into how often we forget God on these trips but don’t freak out. The point of this illustration is that when we do not charge our spirit with His, then our spiritual life and relationship with Him weakens or temporarily dies. I believe this is a great point, but let’s take it a little further.

You see many of us, including myself, treat God like a cell phone charger. As long as we have energy we think we’re good, but as soon as we get low we turn Him on. The Holy Spirit is gently nudging us saying, “Hey friend, you want to get coffee today?,” but  we ignore Him because our energy is high and life is good. As soon as something goes wrong though, we are crying out, calling out, and going to the nearest Wal-Mart to find a God. This is a great emergency plan; however, this is not the relationship that God has designed for us. Paul told us that when he was a child he talked, thought, and reasoned like a child, but when he grew up he put his childish ways behind him (1 Cor 13:11). A child thinks only of their own needs. This is where I find myself sometimes. I have things to do, people see, and work to be done. So as long life is good and my energy is up, then I’m too busy for God.

If you’re like me, too often your zeal for God is lacking. I have recently (just this morning) been convicted of ignoring the invitation from God to spend time with Him. But stop and think about this truth. Paul tells us that we we’re created in Christ for a purpose and that purpose is to do the good works that God has prepared beforehand for us to do (Eph 2:10). You would never be able to complete your tasks at work if you were never given the assignment, so how will you plan to accomplish the good works which God has planned for you if you never stop to visit with Him.

Important Instructions: The first task is to fall deeply, passionately, and recklessly in love with Him. This can only be done if we allow Him to woo us with His love. For those that are married, how much love is bubbling over when your spouse is ignoring you? For those that are single, how do you ever plan on finding love if you ignore the opportunities for intimate interaction with the opposite sex? God is waiting to woo you with His love. Go on a walk with Him, go write poetry together, read His love letter to you and see what He has done for you, sing songs together, or just stop everything you are doing and think of His awesomeness. Enjoy. Oh yeah and pray for me too.